Haul out the face paint, youngsters: it’s almost time for The Season to start.
Are you ready for some football? Cuz that’s a lot of football.
In preparation for the first game of the 2014/15 NFL Season (Thursday night, 7:30 p.m. CST on NBC: Seahawks vs. Packers), rodalena.com is pleased to present the following Necessary Film and Data:
The referees have improved their flag-throwing skills:
NFL players consistently put those college degrees to good use:
“If you wouldn’ta did whatchu would’a did, den we wouldn’ta been where was at to get where we at.”
“I’ve eaten burritos bigger than you.”
And, of course, these two classic pieces are The Definitive Prep Films for all Every Upcoming NFL Football Season:
The first film includes definitive proof that the San Francisco team should be henceforth and forevermore known as The Forty-Whiners: “I want it now! I want cake NOW!”
The second film includes useful tips from the considerate men of the NFL: “Buy a toaster. You’ll probably use it.”
“Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.” -Mick Jagger
I’ve given you plenty of advanced notice: go gitchu a (J. J. Watt) jersey, a gallon or two of face paint, a gigantic truck with enough room for a massive grill, at least one side of beef, and a television roughly the size of your average billboard. Once you’ve gotten these necessary supplies, you’ll be all set for kick-off.
Enjoy the season, friends. As long as you’re rooting for the Texans (not as easy as one might think…), I hope your team goes…all…the…way!